The beauty of Neon White is that the precise assortment of cards you’ll need to nail a level is always there – it’s just up to you to gather and execute them all in the perfect spots. Using an ability to clear a gap, breach an obstacle, or destroy an enemy burns the card that granted it – but there’s always another. Shotguns turn White into a sailing fireball, rocket launchers become grappling hooks, and SMGs become devastating ground pounds. The pistol turns into a double-jump, the rifle a high-speed air-dash, and the machine gun a destructive grenade that doubles as a vertical boost. Each card grants White the limited use of a weapon, alongside the use of a one-time secondary ability. Why are they cards? Other than allowing White to briefly look like an edgy street magician in the intro movie, I don’t know – but it works. The catch? Each level is a parkour puzzle, and reaching the end within the allotted time limits requires judicious juggling of the finite weapon and ability cards. The objective? Kill all enemies and reach the exit as quickly as possible. It’s like the first page of a Deviantart search up in here. There’s also a cigar-chomping cat, a BDSM redhead in a collar, and a spiky-haired meathead. Then there’s Violet, a knife-wielding pixie with an infantilised voice that’d open a remote garage door, and who seems like the kind of woman who’d dot the i’s on her ransom letters with love hearts. There’s the titular White, a spindly-legged man who wears three belts – none of which appear connected to his trousers – and who likes to stand with his shoulders pulled back and his crotch thrust forward. This makes for a lot of chat to wade through outside of the otherwise impeccable puzzle platforming, delivered by a cast of goths, gym bros, and cloud-riding capsule toys that are as irritating as they are horny.

You can fast-forward through it, but it’s always there. I do appreciate the effort to slow down and add context to the 12 chapters and 97 levels developer Angel Matrix has built here – rather than just machine-gunning them directly into our veins non-stop, that is – but overall Neon White’s slightly over-assertive blend of pop-punk Christianity and off-brand anime didn’t grab me. In practice, however, it makes a large portion of Neon White a young adult visual novel where a bunch of brightly-coloured, dead millennials reminisce about their past lives and argue a bunch. Neon White’s oddball premise – which sees sinners plucked from purgatory to serve as parkour pest-exterminators, clearing out a demon infestation in heaven as part of an annual contest where the winner gets to remain there – certainly sounds interesting on paper.

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